Earth.. come back down to it!

So, wow it's about 3AM. Reminds me of that stupid OAR song. Moving right along, I had a wonderful night with one of my very best friends tonight. A little chill time, and a sudden burst of second windness to head out for a drink at 1AM> just right amount of time to pour a Blue Moon into my belly. Might be the winner of my per meal caloric intake today. It's been hot, real hot in this city. I arrived back in town yesterday afternoon following a relaxing and must needed vacation. A week off from work and plain ole life could not come soon enough for me; as in I have never ever felt SO in need to get away. Time on the beach to think and listen (ocean waves are music to my ears, peeps) and evaluate my life was oh so important, and I feel much stronger now because of that time. Spending time with THE most important people in my life, my caring and would-do-anything-for-me family, was such a blessing and now another special memory that will not fade, ever.

Back to tonight though, I feel a little strange after leaving the Baj Majal (Baja Bean for you late comers). I am at a point where Richmond, its bars, its people, its 'scene' is feeling a little old to me. Old as in been there, done that; not old as in I feel young, because I don't really, but I need to feel that way because I am. I go out in this city, I meet new people, yet I feel like they are the same people I know already, and honestly, everyone knows everyone, so there is some truth to that statement. Not to say Richmond is so small that you know my business and vice versa, because after traveling to other cities I have noticed some of the same Richmond-esque tendencies. Running into someone you haven't seen in a year or two in a place you would never have gone on a normal night (SanFran); realizing oh, I went to high school with him, and you know him from living out in California? WEIRD. People know people. Lives collide, worlds mesh, and it brings you back down..it forces you to realize that the world is not as big as you think, sitting in an unfamiliar place, or sitting at home, just feeling unfamiliar with life.

I like to think of myself as a kind person. I put myself in people's shoes; I care for others; I am becoming my Mom (which in my opinion, is a wonderful progression that I can only hope to gracefully take on). When I meet people out, it's fine; it's alcohol-blinded, sex-driven, and surface. Can I trust you because you know her, because he knows you? Sometimes it is better to be patient; to wait and know someone when the air is clear of smoke, and your blood is clear of impurities. This is when true colors show--stains of damaged hues, or beautiful, rich, pure greens and blues. I choose the latter.

Remind yourself of the obvious..

Charm lies in the unsaid, the unwritten, and undisplayed. It takes mastery to control silence.
Nice quote from a friend's beau. Think he's trying to impress her? Either way, I like the quote.. it says a lot to me; it reminds me to appreciate the obvious. So.. wow, it's been about a year since I wrote anything. I am a blogging failure. Quite a bit has happened in the past year. Ups and downs of course, but also a lot of :obvious: that went unnoticed. I find myself getting annoyed when people state the obvious; not sure why, but it has always bothered me. I feel that if something is clear as day, what is the point of talking about it? Seems like a waste of breath to me, but I think I am actually wrong about that. I notice more and more that people say obvious things, whether it's an observation, lesson, or just a plain thought that crosses their mind-it's important to say it aloud. I think that this pet peeve of mine might stem from my shyness. Many of my friends would never know it now, but I was terrrribly shy as a child. It doesn't make sense that I was so timid; neither of my parents are, so heredity nor learning from their behaviors can attribute to this attribute. I wonder - is being shy an innate to one's disposition? Eventually I grew out of this apprehension to a degree. Yes, now I will dance on bars (if the music is right) and travel to far off lands without my Mom by my side, but I am also still, deep down, a semi-reserved person, believe it or not.
I think I just care too much about what others think of me, for unknown reasons. Maybe I'm too into myself. Maybe I just need to focus on others and not worry about what others think of me?! Forget fearing the unknown, time to focus on the obvious.

Tuesday, the most productive day of the week?

Someone once told me this is true. Today was productive, having awoken at 3:30AM, mind racing about my morning rituals, anxious about not having enough time to get 'er all done and get to work on time. I have been religiously attending these bootcamp-esq workouts at 6AM Tues/Thurs and 5PM Sunday, which have had an overall GREAT affect on my mind, body, soul etc. It was a great time to start a physical feat such as this, to release endorphins, focus on my body, and force some insecurities out. Even though I did just complete my 1st half marathon (go girrl) in November, these group workouts are a different approach and incorporate a feeling of togetherness, while reaping benefits individually too. All thanks to my friend Whitney, who started a great women's fitness network called Styles Group Fitness. I have met some great girls and gotten into a routine of gettin my butt out of bed and into the gym, to be commanded by WHIT!

Among other exciting things in my life, I bought some plane tickets today to sunny Tampa, for a mini vacation for my friend's bachelorette party. Only T-10 weeks! It can't come soon enough. Among other awesome things in life right now, Daylight Savings begins in a week and a half!! I bought a book yesterday called The Passion Test - I am hoping it will help me decipher what it is that I want to do in life, at least presently. I know it will change a million times, but I think I just need some guidance and an outline for making my next step. I am really excited to start reading it and figuring out what I want. Back to work for now...

SpRiNg WaS iN tHe AiR

........on Sunday. IT was a glorious day, so glorious that Tara, Charly, and I went on a walk down to Robinson and back, about an hour and a half of bliss. The sun was shining, the air was warm, I was over my hangover, Charly was wagging, and PEOPLE WERE OUT! It was an amazing feeling, inspiring us to make changes, go forward, be happy! Tara and I have vowed to meet together each week (even though we do live together, so I guess more like vowing to get off the couch and go somewhere) to discuss/plan/develop ideas of our next step(s) in life. While Tara is a bit younger than me, I feel like we both are in need of some of the same changes. Wanting more than what the past year has brought...to get out and "do" something more meaningful with our young lives. Work is work, but it's also where I spend the majority of my waking time. Shouldn't I be in love with it? She's in the same boat. It's not that I don't love the people I work with, but I feel like I have more to offer the world than giving advice on general liability.

Day by day I am becoming happier. I can feel the selfishness in me coming back, in a good way. Worrying about another person can really take a lot out of you. I am slowly starting to realize that; not only in myself, but in my friends too. Many of us are going through this too,which is liberating and comforting for all.
When I really think about it, I wonder, is love supposed to be that hard? I don't think so. It should be easy, light and deep at the same time.

OMG Weddings

I am popping at the seams after Papa John's and Tres Leche cake for a wedding shower here in my office. The bride-to-be, our 21-year old receptionist, is beaming with excitement; she is marrying her Marine this weekend. It was fast-paced, or as fast as can be when not actually together in the flesh, having started the military long-distance relationship not even one year ago. Interesting to watch. It happened a lot like my lastest one began: meeting, leaving, visits in between, only to say goodbye again and again. Married to the idea that it will work out. It will be hard, but it will work out. Endless letters, real handwritten love letters for something to hang on to. He is not here phyiscally, but soon he will not be there mentally.

Not to say I don't think her relationship will work out, I am just damaged by the end of mine. Feeling bitter? Maybe. Feeling hopeless at times? Yes. When the world (mine) teaches that you should grow up, go to college, fall in love and then have a beautiful wedding at a country club, complete with stuffed mushrooms and endless chardonnay, rewiring your mind proves to be difficult. It is chronic. Signs pop up, fate kicks in, and you think you've found it. You feel it and it engulfs your thoughts, like the fondant icing perfecting the sweet, cakey goodness that has eased your mind and cushioned your heart.

Yadda yadda. On the bright side, the cake was amazing. La Sobrecita Bakery - Tres Leche filled with pineapple with whipped pink and white icing. Que deliciosa! I need to work out extra hard at 6am tomorrow.

In the midst of frigidness trying to find light

Last time I checked I lived on the cusp of the South, not in New England. This year's winter has been, as anyone in Virginia can tell you, a massive unloading of frozen precipitation on our otherwise mild winter months. Local news has taken this one giant wintry mix and run. From the preemptive warnings, to the during-the-storm broadcasts (picture the idiots out in the billowing 40mph winds carrying umbrellas, as if it will actually help, all the while collecting snow atop their shoulders, much like the car they are standing next to), to the fury surrounding millions of potholes throughout our bustling (ha) city streets. The news must go on.

Amid the winter storm, another has been brewing in my oh-so-insignificant little life. Ok, I know my life is very significant, but I am allowed to look at the dark side sometimes, right? It happened last year around this time. Heartbreak. How does one "get over it" so easily? Especially in the middle of the cold, in the middle of being stuck inside with all the time in the world. To think. And to drink.

This isn't going to be a love/relationship/hear my desperation type blog, but it just so happens that this is going on in my life right now, and it always helps to vent, even if there are no responses. Just to write it down - and today I am a faster typist than writer. I am just now, after weeks of analyzing the things that were said versus the things that were not proved, realizing so much about my own mind - about what has been engrained in me as a 25 year old working woman. In one sense, I feel so young and unsure about love, work, friends, life. On the other side, I see what other 25 year olds are doing and think, wow I need to grow up and get some confidence to make myself happy. To not depend on someone else to do that for me. I am pretty sure that I have grabbed onto someone with such a hopeful expectation for what he could be for me, that I have lost myself. It sounds corny, but it seems that I lost the most important person to me, myself as a best friend. Now I am on my way to finding her again, and it's exciting.