SpRiNg WaS iN tHe AiR

........on Sunday. IT was a glorious day, so glorious that Tara, Charly, and I went on a walk down to Robinson and back, about an hour and a half of bliss. The sun was shining, the air was warm, I was over my hangover, Charly was wagging, and PEOPLE WERE OUT! It was an amazing feeling, inspiring us to make changes, go forward, be happy! Tara and I have vowed to meet together each week (even though we do live together, so I guess more like vowing to get off the couch and go somewhere) to discuss/plan/develop ideas of our next step(s) in life. While Tara is a bit younger than me, I feel like we both are in need of some of the same changes. Wanting more than what the past year has brought...to get out and "do" something more meaningful with our young lives. Work is work, but it's also where I spend the majority of my waking time. Shouldn't I be in love with it? She's in the same boat. It's not that I don't love the people I work with, but I feel like I have more to offer the world than giving advice on general liability.

Day by day I am becoming happier. I can feel the selfishness in me coming back, in a good way. Worrying about another person can really take a lot out of you. I am slowly starting to realize that; not only in myself, but in my friends too. Many of us are going through this too,which is liberating and comforting for all.
When I really think about it, I wonder, is love supposed to be that hard? I don't think so. It should be easy, light and deep at the same time.

OMG Weddings

I am popping at the seams after Papa John's and Tres Leche cake for a wedding shower here in my office. The bride-to-be, our 21-year old receptionist, is beaming with excitement; she is marrying her Marine this weekend. It was fast-paced, or as fast as can be when not actually together in the flesh, having started the military long-distance relationship not even one year ago. Interesting to watch. It happened a lot like my lastest one began: meeting, leaving, visits in between, only to say goodbye again and again. Married to the idea that it will work out. It will be hard, but it will work out. Endless letters, real handwritten love letters for something to hang on to. He is not here phyiscally, but soon he will not be there mentally.

Not to say I don't think her relationship will work out, I am just damaged by the end of mine. Feeling bitter? Maybe. Feeling hopeless at times? Yes. When the world (mine) teaches that you should grow up, go to college, fall in love and then have a beautiful wedding at a country club, complete with stuffed mushrooms and endless chardonnay, rewiring your mind proves to be difficult. It is chronic. Signs pop up, fate kicks in, and you think you've found it. You feel it and it engulfs your thoughts, like the fondant icing perfecting the sweet, cakey goodness that has eased your mind and cushioned your heart.

Yadda yadda. On the bright side, the cake was amazing. La Sobrecita Bakery - Tres Leche filled with pineapple with whipped pink and white icing. Que deliciosa! I need to work out extra hard at 6am tomorrow.

In the midst of frigidness trying to find light

Last time I checked I lived on the cusp of the South, not in New England. This year's winter has been, as anyone in Virginia can tell you, a massive unloading of frozen precipitation on our otherwise mild winter months. Local news has taken this one giant wintry mix and run. From the preemptive warnings, to the during-the-storm broadcasts (picture the idiots out in the billowing 40mph winds carrying umbrellas, as if it will actually help, all the while collecting snow atop their shoulders, much like the car they are standing next to), to the fury surrounding millions of potholes throughout our bustling (ha) city streets. The news must go on.

Amid the winter storm, another has been brewing in my oh-so-insignificant little life. Ok, I know my life is very significant, but I am allowed to look at the dark side sometimes, right? It happened last year around this time. Heartbreak. How does one "get over it" so easily? Especially in the middle of the cold, in the middle of being stuck inside with all the time in the world. To think. And to drink.

This isn't going to be a love/relationship/hear my desperation type blog, but it just so happens that this is going on in my life right now, and it always helps to vent, even if there are no responses. Just to write it down - and today I am a faster typist than writer. I am just now, after weeks of analyzing the things that were said versus the things that were not proved, realizing so much about my own mind - about what has been engrained in me as a 25 year old working woman. In one sense, I feel so young and unsure about love, work, friends, life. On the other side, I see what other 25 year olds are doing and think, wow I need to grow up and get some confidence to make myself happy. To not depend on someone else to do that for me. I am pretty sure that I have grabbed onto someone with such a hopeful expectation for what he could be for me, that I have lost myself. It sounds corny, but it seems that I lost the most important person to me, myself as a best friend. Now I am on my way to finding her again, and it's exciting.